There is no secrets in the matter that this past season was not one of my better years in baseball. It saw failures and growing pains, smiles and fist pumps. There was electric in the air and then there was a somber silence. But in the end of the race, that joy of overcoming what I have and being able to step back on the mound and suceed in that vary spot is enough for me.
As for the end of the season, it finished exactly how I wanted it.
I was handed the start in our home finale against Shreveport-Bossier, who had solified a berth into the playoffs with a first place finish in the first half. After overcoming some wildness to begin the game, I found my groove and settled down well. My final line was just one unearned across eight innings with four hits and five punchouts. We ended up dropping the contest, 2-0, but the loss didn't seem to sting all that much because I had that feeling again. Mmmmm Mmmmm...THAT feeling.
I've mentioned this certain type of emotion that I feel from time to time that only baseball seems to bring out in me. I really cannot seem to put my finger on exactly what it is but I can assure you it's good. It's that smile you get when you take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror after the game...the aura that overcomes you when you look around in the stands and know you've reached your childhood dream...even that emotion that sparks up under your skin when you sit in your chair and have to cover your face with your towel to hold back a childish smirk that you don't want anyone else to see.
It's the feeling of knowing you've done your job. The feeling that you've done well and put everything you have into it. The eerie feeling that you have lived to overcome a tragic accident, recovered, got back up and fell again, and somehow managed to make it across the finish line.
In a nut shell, those goosebumps that I felt on my skin proceeding our home finale as I watched the fireworks blossom underneath that El Paso sky were ones that came from the roller coaster I'd been down this past year.
I saw the good: Throwing three scoreless innings in my return at Pensacola, picking up my first professional save in front of a packed house, and high-fiving fans after coming in with the bases-loaded and no outs and stopping the Pelicans rally in our walk off win in August.
I saw the bad: Watching that grand slam I'd given up in the season opener sail over the fence, kicking the bullpen fence in frustration after losing to Ft. Worth, and the pictures of the intense meltdown I had following my third start in Sioux Falls.
and the ugly: My visions after being placed on the inactive list and looking out of the window on my plane ride home; hating baseball so much that I thought I would never return to the game.
The final thoughts were really the ones that did it the most for me. The ones that brought a beaming smile to my face. After being able to overcome what I have and fight through the adversity that I have faced only to return again, is enough for me. Baseball brings out that feeling and I'm starting to get those little feelings again. Those oh-so thankful, you better not try and take it away from me feelings again.
I'm one blessed kid - thats for sure.
Goodbye 2010 season. Thank you for the memories.
God Bless.
