Chasing a Childhood Dream

Growing up, baseball never really seemed that difficult.

Working hard always seemed like a catch phrase as everything flowed ever so easily. Backyard games proved to be just the practice needed. Extra-curricular activity involved everything from four-square to capture the flag and basketball games to door-to-door lemonade stands. Baseball was fun and not anything less.

For what reason?

Because everything that revolved around it was just that.

As the journey grows and everything begins to speed up, things begin to morph into one another. Each passing season promotes a new sport that requires a different attention set. The competition begins to become stiffer and the work becomes harder and harder. Pitchers begin to throw on the same level and hitters are now evening out. The game is still fun but hard work is now the name of the game. This understanding, along with a genuine love of the game, are the wings that carry the player from JV to varsity and high school to college.

There are very few players that have the actual gift of playing professional baseball. Many walk right past how fortunate it is to play at such a stage. Regardless of which level, Independent ball to Triple-A, so many dream of being a Major League Baseball Player but for the majority, it's really just that - a childhood dream.

The vacuum rapidly sucks up the weak while the thirsty and unsatisfied continue the trek. The trek is long, hard and cold. It involves failures and disappointment at just about every street corner. The roller coaster ride is up to the individual to handle. A complete-game shutout one day sees the horror of an injured arm the next. A promotion to the starting rotation wears a string of bad outings and a demotion following it. It's the name of the game; something you must correctly handle in order to grow.

Then come the questions.

Is it worth the quest? How deep is your passion?

It's not overcoming being 5'2 as a freshman in high school or being cut from 4 different workouts, it's about the lessons you learned along the way.

It's not about being hit in the head by a line drive or struggling to find consistency when you need it the most, it's about the resiliency in your blood to keep going.

Is it your time to take a bow?

Or is this the beginning of a beautiful, eloquent and graceful encore?

This is Part One of "A Childhood Dream". Please stay tuned for Part Two.

A Change for the Better; El Paso to Chico

As I write today, I find myself at in Maryland and in the final stages of my two week vacation at home. It's been some time since I have posted and I understand that this layoff has left some with questions in regards to my whereabouts. Baseball, like it has for so much of my life, has been an active ingredient this spring and summer. There have been some success, some changes and some reflection.

Over the past four seasons, El Paso has been my home away from home. From my first appearance at Cohen Stadium and to where I am at now...It's been a good run and special four years as a member of the Diablos. I will never forget all the great people I have met and the friends that have quickly turned to family. It's been fun, some of the best times of my life. It's been a place where I've been able to learn and grow, a place where I've been able to establish who I am and where I want to go.

With everything good, though, things have to come to an end sometime. That time came just about two weeks ago as a fresh start has been something that I have needed. It was a decision that took some time to speak out about considering I had been throwing well and cherished several relationships I had with some of the guys on the team. Through it all, I will always be able look back and smile at the four years I had served in El Paso. The Sun City will always have a special place in my heart.

As to where I am at now, I leave for California on Monday afternoon being that I have signed on with the Chico Outlaws of the North American League. Chico, which is a town a few hours north of San Francisco, sits on the edge of the Sierras and is just a short distance from Reno and Sacramento. This move is something I'm looking forward to and I'm pretty stoked to be heading out to Northern California instead of the few other teams I had been speaking with in the South.

The second part of my professional career will jumpstart itself next Tuesday night as I'm scheduled to pitch the tailend of a doubleheader against Maui in Chico. I'm excited about the opportunity that lies ahead and know this I've been put in the moment by the grace of God. Now, it's just my job to make the most of it.

See you on the other side of the United States.

God Bless.

In Remembrance of Ray: My Brother on the Diamond

I close my eyes and I find myself laying down after a long day at the baseball field in Melbourne, Australia. It's late afternoon and I'm smiling. Although worn out, the recent good weather has me in good spirits and my recovery from a nagging injury has finally concluded. I retreat to my computer and check my email, comb over the scores from this weeks games and get on Facebook to hopefully catch up with a few friends from the United States. I laugh over some nonsense that one friend posts and grimace after seeing pictures of another's big weekend. I can remember looking on the screen as a message comes through. It says I need to call them as soon as possible and its about something important.

My smile soon fades and the feeling of a bad premonition begins to overcome my entire body. I make the call and I recall my hands sweaty, shaky and cold. The call connects and I hardly have a chance to say hello. I'll never forget what was said next.

Late last month, I recieved news that my childhood best friend, Raymond Eugene Rickett III, had died in our hometown of Ocean City, Md. Ray and I were inseparable as kids as we engaged in just about everything a normal set of children did. Days were never boring between us...drawing pictures of our favorite Baltimore Orioles players, playing the latest MLB video games, hour long surf sessions, or just having a catch in the street, Ray and I found ways to keep ourselves entertained. Hours turned into days, and days quickly turned into weeks.

Then there was Berlin Little League, the Phillies, and the All-Star teams. Ray and I began playing together on the 1994 Minor League team, the Berlin Red Sox. The team, who was coached by a man named Tito, was a fantastic group and it set the stage for what was to come for many years. After a few practice sessions before the season, Tito soon knew who his up-the-middle combination was to be.

In the stands stood "Big Ray" Rickett and "Big Dave" Whigham and the pair watched the magic as "Little Ray" nuzzled himself into the second baseman role and "Little Dave" accepted his role as the shortstop. Little did everyone know that we would be the pair that led the Red Sox to the Minor League championship then go on to win the first District 8 Title in Berlin Little League history as 10-year olds. The trend continued by posting the first undefeated 16-0 season in league history and then to a second-place showing in the title game in 1998 District 8 final.

As a kid, I never would have thought the two of us would ever grow apart. I imagined us being the best of friends forever, growing old in the same town and raising families next door to one another. I remember hearing every so often when I was younger about cherishing the friendships I had because once you grew up, things would chane. Even in middle school, Ray and I remained great friends as we shared many classes together and had crushes on the same sets of girls. It's times like these that chokes me up to this day, wondering where time has really gone.

Throughout my baseball career, I have had the opportunity of meeting many great people from a number of different backgrounds but the relationship I shared with Ray was just so much different. Whether it be the innocence of us just being kids or how we both came to love the game together, the bond we shared on the diamond was unlike any other. It was the thought that we could take on the world together that pushed us so hard and drove us so close. It's a feeling that through it all, can still bring a smile to my face.

The pain I feel today from Ray's death is something that holds great value to me. It's a feeling derived from the bonds that we shared, the childhood that we learned from, and most importantly, the friendship that we turned into a brotherhood. I plan on carrying Ray's legacy with me this summer and in all of my future endeavors in baseball. It kills me knowing so much time had passed since we had seen each other.

Through it all, its the memories and thoughts of our friendship that keep me going. Time most certainly heals wounds but the legacy of Ray is one that will be remembered forever. Forever in the hearts of the family he leaves behind, forever in the town that cherished him dearly, and forever in the veins of his friends that will always hold onto him. Rest in peace my dear friend, you'll always hold a special place in my heart.

A lesson learned in Australia

Over the course of my career, I've been lucky to keep my injury count low as I have been very good about keeping my body in the shape it needs to be in to perform. The program I have used was one that was instilled into me as a young junior player. Running, jobe bands, ice and compression...they have all been apart of this program that is aimed at recovering from the last outing and preparing for the next. The injury I sustained last July put me in a position that I had never had to deal with before.

Rehab.

Rehabbing from a fractured skull includes strengthening of just about every muscle group in your entire body. Whether it was the muscular atrophy of laying in an ICU bed for so long, the weight lost from having to ingest saline for a week, or even the flexibility lost from my body being so restricted for so long...I was faced with the full gauntlet of rehabilitation.

The rehab took me all over. Doctors appointments, physical therapists, late night sessions at the gym and pool and then eventually to Australia last January. But once I got done the rehab, it was smooth seas ahead. It was like I could actually see the positive results in my head before they even happened. I knew all my hard work to get back was going to make me that much better when I finally stepped on that hill again.

So, when I came back to Essendon for my second stint in Australia...everything seemed to set itself up for a big year for me. The hard work I was continuing to do, the fantastic second half I had in El Paso this past summer and the aching for a VBL championship all played parts into this. I wanted the ball as much as I could to begin the season so every opportunity to get it was one I would not pass up. I couldn't pass it up really...I mean wasn't the long for pitching again the reason why I actually got out of that ICU bed in the first place?

I pitched this fall and I pitched a ton. I was given a second job out here as well and was working with the junior programs extensively. Needless to say, my time to do things on my own was pretty thin. My arm felt strong though so my training and preparation took a backseat for the time being. The season started off picturesque and I was high flying. At one point though, one of our top pitchers went down with an injury to his hamstring and three of the top teams in the VBL loomed the following week for us. The Sunday game at Doncaster came and I threw seven solid innings. Two days later, I stepped back on the mound against Waverley for a two inning stint at Altona. The week was finally capped off with a six inning performance with a win at Cheltenham.

My line for the week was great...3 wins, 16 innings, a ton of punchouts. I felt good but began to feel some weakness in my elbow. It was a weakness that I tried to ignore and throw through but as much as I could mask the pain, I couldn't hide the results. My velocity had begun to plummet, I was beginning to have trouble sleeping at night on my right side and the swelling was so intense I could hardly bend my elbow properly. Eventually long toss ceased and bullpens began to shorten. Things were intensifying but I tried to ignore them, hoping they would go away on their own.

On the week before Thanksgiving, I threw at Doncaster again and we dropped a 3-2 decision...partly in part to my inability to stay on top of my sinker and extend on my slider. The loss was frustrating but I kind of put it away with a long run following the game, hoping that in the next day I begin to prepare for a win in my next outing. I was greeted the following morning with a elbow so swollen that movement had completely ceased. The slight touch against the ulnar collateral muscle provided a pretty painful response and pins and needles flew through my forearm. I began to think...it was all my own fault. And then just like that, it all came together to me in my head.

The unhealthy eating, poor training, and massive physical workload was the combination...and it was my elbow and body's way of telling me it was time to shut things down for a while. It hurt to swallow and after a visit to the physiotherapist and orthopaedic surgeon, I was diagnosed with the slightest tear (grade 1) of my MCL. It was back to the rehabilitation for this guy. It hurt, as I knew I was going to have to sit back, but overcoming an injury was something I had done before. Was I going to be able to sit back and let the healing take place?

Who was I to fool...sitting back has never been in my character. As soon as I can back, I was going to to.

And no one was going to stop me.

My life as a movie; Rewinding back to where it all began (Part 1)

I close my eyes and hit the rewind button.

My eyes open up and I see myself laying in a lonely Ascot Vale apartment. I'm trying to decipher the relationship between a masked outward confidence and a deep inner fear. I'm uncertain yet optimistic, weak yet healthy.

I look at my keyboard and begin to write. Writing was (and always has been) my favorite way to describe what I'm feeling. I bite my lip, shake my head, type, erase, regroup, look into space and think about what I WANT to say, type, pause for a second, erase, think about what I SHOULD say, reconsider if the words are correct, type, nod my head, smile, and move onto next line.

The post, which was written exactly one year ago to the day, was my first true post in Australia and initial one after seeing live hitters for the first time. The following three segments were used from this particular entry:

"As I woke up on that Saturday morning, I had a very weird feeling inside of me. I wasn't afraid of facing hitters again but was reluctant to see how I would handle it once I was on the mound again. I've been told time and time again that I am never going to really know what it's going to feel like..."

"This injury has taught me so much about life. Fear is only as strong as you make it. Being afraid is natural, there is no doubt about that. The true definition of yourself is how you go about handling your fears. In my case, July 2nd will always be rooted in my soul but instead of being afraid of going back out and having it happen again, I look at the other 500,000 pitches I threw before that.

"What happened happened and there is no other way to go about bettering myself than to throw myself back into action again. As I stepped on the mound the other day, that unspeakable feeling of being a pitcher was back."

The rewind button is stopped. I'm a bit amazed that an entire year has already passed. Everything feels so much the same as it did then..I'm back in Australia again, I feel warmth all around me..heck, I'm even looking at the exact same computer screen. It all seems so weird but I'm happy with the journey.

I close my eyes again. I begin to think...I begin to go back.

Do these words really portray the feeling deep inside of me? Are they the truth? Did what happen...just happen and was I OK with it? Am I hiding my fear of the unknown? At this time was I really in control of my own quest? Was I happy with where I was..where I was going...and the uncertainty lying ahead?

I begin to see a vision as all of these questions travel through my head. I hear a rumble and my path goes back to where it all began.

I see myself lying on the ground, holding my head, as screams of terror ring out from the crowd at hand. A doctor has his hand pinned against my chest, I begin to hear the ambulance sirens but still don't feel any pain. There are no tears, just an eerier feeling as to the question of what just happened. I begin to be loaded onto the stretcher and see such worried faces upon my teammates. I make my path towards the opened ambulance doors and it begins to go dark. Then just like that, everything goes black.

I open my eyes again and I'm a year removed from that initial post and over 550 days from that dreadful July night. My thoughts are different, ways have changed, and understanding of life morphed into a creature so optimistic and free that one may have to pinch me to take the smile off my face.

(This is Part I of My life as a Movie; Rewinding back to where it all began)

Springtime Endeavors in Melbourne

As I write to you once again, I can't help but post this time with smile on my face. There are several reasons as to why this is but they all come back to one thing in particular: satisfied. Satisfied with where I am, where I want to go, and the direction my life is headed. What an exciting time its been so far here in Australia...

I've found myself involved in several different roles; all of which I am enjoying thoroughly. It's been quite busy here lately with playing, coaching, and working but it's all been very rewarding. I'm sure that many have been interested in what I have been up to Down Under and I have strayed away from consistent postings.

A few weeks back, I was named to the playing roster for the Melbourne Aces in the new Australian Baseball League. The league can be accessed here. In case you aren't familiar with the ABL, it's a newly formed winter league that spans all of Australia. There are several guys with big league time in Pete Moylan, Trent Oltjen, Luke Hughes, and Ryan Rowland-Smith (to name a few) and although just beginning, is said to be one of the best winter leagues in the world. I have not been able to pitch for the squad yet as my responsibilities for Essendon have not allowed me to.

Much like last year, I am pitching for Essendon and starting the weekend games. I'm 3-1 with 30 innings under my belt. Many around the club have labeled me as a much different player and person this year...I'd like to think of this as a good thing. There is no doubt that I am much more confident this season; confident in who I am and where I want to be. My presence on the mound is seen and I am going after every hitter I face...with much more vengeance. You can view my current stats here.



I have had the luxury of coaching a pair of teams at the Essendon club as well. I am serving as the Head Coach of the U-14 Major League squad and like it more and more with each passing game. I've designed a website for the kids and its made a substantial amount of positive noise around the club. The website can be seen here.The kids are really coach-able and listen to what I say. I've been trying to let them have fun but still maintain a seriousness within the game. We've already run the hidden ball trick (for an out!) and stolen home (didn't work...). Also, I am coordinating the T-ball program and there was 40 kids at the last session on Friday night. This is a challenge in it's own...I never knew how difficult it was to keep 40 kids (ages 4-10) entertained and happy! I'm sure they are enjoying our Friday night sessions as much as I am working with them. There isn't much better in this world than seeing a kid smile in delight after getting their first ever hit or watching the kids make friends with others in what may be the start of a life-long friendship. I see a lot of myself as a kid when I work with these kids...

They often say that everything happens for a reason. I find it to be a pretty overused statement but I can't help but wonder...would I have ever had this great opportunity if I had never been injured? Would Australia ever know me or would I have ever been able to spread my wings and fly over here? Am I better off for the person I am today? My window of opportunity sure isn't over and although my dream was deferred, my new path towards it has been a blessing in its own. I've learned to love who I am and now understand what it takes to be happy in this world.

I think there is no doubt I am a better person. I see myself as so much more seasoned and knowledgeable. The lessons I have learned have been beneficial to my life as a person and a player. I'm sure that I am a better friend, teammate, and family member for it. I can only smile and believe that I will one day be a better coach, father, and husband for it too.

I'm leaving for the Sunshine Coast on Tuesday and will be celebrating Thanksgiving with a few American friends from Virginia Wesleyan...Go Marlins! It's going to be a ripping time but I'm sure there will still be a little missing as this is my first ever Thanksgiving away from home. I know that I will be thinking at home on this day and can't wait to see everyone home soon. In the mean time, I'll continue trying to make my mark on this world...one positive step at a time...

God Bless.

Australia - Round 2

As I write to you today, I find myself on my second trip to Ozz as I am in the fourth day of my six-month stay in Melbourne, Australia. I'm happy to write that I am back in Bomberland with Essendon and ready to partake in another exciting year of baseball down under. This could very well be the year that Essendon can overcome all of the hype, jump the hurdle and hoist the trophy.

As for what I have done since Indy ball in America finished up at the end of August...

I enjoyed several trips to Ocean City, N.J., to spend time with my wonderful girlfriend. I also had the luxury to catch several good days of surf back home and put in a couple three to four hour sessions. The weather was good for the majority of my time home which meant family trips to the beach, relaxation, and a good suntan. I was able to keep physically fit with a monthly membership at West OC Fitness. As always in the fall, I became obsessed with the fantasy football buzz and found myself watching games, drinking beers, and tracking my fantasy teams all at the same time on Sunday afternoons. Luckily, I had a ton of great family times as well and enjoyed mom's home cooking several times a week. Being back home is always great and I cherish the quality time I can spend with my family and friends. It's those times I think the most about when I'm away.

And now for whats happening now in Australia....



I threw my first bullpen on Australian soil last night at training. I was a bit up in the zone with my fastball but was happy with my offspeed stuff. I forgot how handy those high seams can be on with my slider and curveball! I am scheduled for a few innings in relief on Sunday against Fitzroy before I make my first start next Tuesday against a much improved Blackburn squad.

There are a couple new things I have discovered in just the first few days that I have been here. First, the midweek training sessions have improved and are much more detailed. Everyone is getting their work in and I'm sure the situational drills will make for a much relaxed atmosphere once game time comes around. I've noted in previous blogs how important camaraderie is on a baseball team and I'm glad its such an important emphasis at Don Cornish Field. In just my first training session, I noticed that the jump was taken to another level as those that turned out for the session worked together even better than last year (impressive). I see a focused and determined team, thanks in part to the hard work of the coaches that have organized it.

I am coaching the Under-14 State team for Essendon. I start at the helm this Sunday. The team is already 2-0 and has picked up double-digit win against each of its first two opponents. This should make my job a little easier! I'm helping coordinate the T-Ball program at Essendon as well. They kids meet every Friday night at 5pm.



Essendon features a very experienced pitching rotation this year. There are three of us who have professional time on the staff and a few others who have pitched on the collegiate level in the United States. Also, there are several pitchers that have come up through the Essendon system and have made big strides in the off-season. The hitting lineup from last season returns just about everyone. The middle spot of the Bomber lineup returns as still being one of the most dangerous alleys to go down in all of Australian baseball.

God Bless.

Other key notes:

-I am now just over 10,000 words in my book that I began writing in periodically over the last year. Writing in this book has become very therapeutic for me and serves as a good vent. It's been written to detail my life before my near death experience in July of 2009, elaborate on what happened that night and the path of recovery I took, and the miracle I was blessed with when I was able to heal - both physically, emotionally and mentally. My next step is to contact a literary agent and hopefully give a strong enough pitch to have them sign me on. I plan to put short sections of what I've written in the book on this blog from time to time.

-It's funny how baseball works; particularly with making connections and networking. In a conversation that I was having today with the radio guy in El Paso, there is a total of nine former and current El Paso Diablos playing baseball in Australia at the time being. Of those nine, seven are playing in the premier league of the Vodafone Baseball League here in Melbourne. I guess saying that an Australian-El Paso pipeline has been established may be an understatement.

-The Australian dollar is on the rise. Last week, it had actually surpassed the American dollar at fractions of a point but has dropped recently to a few cents below the American. Currently, the Australian dollar is trading at 97.80 cents, down from 98.92 the day before. Experts predict this number should stay relatively the same for the near future.

-The American Association has added four new teams for the 2010-2011 in Fargo-Moorehead, Gary, Kansas City and Winnipeg. The inclusion of this quadruplet now gives the league a total of 14 teams, which makes it the largest independent baseball league in North America. Also, three division are now featured with five teams in the Central and Southern Division and four teams in North Division.

My Season Finale

There is no secrets in the matter that this past season was not one of my better years in baseball. It saw failures and growing pains, smiles and fist pumps. There was electric in the air and then there was a somber silence. But in the end of the race, that joy of overcoming what I have and being able to step back on the mound and suceed in that vary spot is enough for me.

As for the end of the season, it finished exactly how I wanted it.

I was handed the start in our home finale against Shreveport-Bossier, who had solified a berth into the playoffs with a first place finish in the first half. After overcoming some wildness to begin the game, I found my groove and settled down well. My final line was just one unearned across eight innings with four hits and five punchouts. We ended up dropping the contest, 2-0, but the loss didn't seem to sting all that much because I had that feeling again. Mmmmm Mmmmm...THAT feeling.

I've mentioned this certain type of emotion that I feel from time to time that only baseball seems to bring out in me. I really cannot seem to put my finger on exactly what it is but I can assure you it's good. It's that smile you get when you take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror after the game...the aura that overcomes you when you look around in the stands and know you've reached your childhood dream...even that emotion that sparks up under your skin when you sit in your chair and have to cover your face with your towel to hold back a childish smirk that you don't want anyone else to see.

It's the feeling of knowing you've done your job. The feeling that you've done well and put everything you have into it. The eerie feeling that you have lived to overcome a tragic accident, recovered, got back up and fell again, and somehow managed to make it across the finish line.


In a nut shell, those goosebumps that I felt on my skin proceeding our home finale as I watched the fireworks blossom underneath that El Paso sky were ones that came from the roller coaster I'd been down this past year.

I saw the good: Throwing three scoreless innings in my return at Pensacola, picking up my first professional save in front of a packed house, and high-fiving fans after coming in with the bases-loaded and no outs and stopping the Pelicans rally in our walk off win in August.

I saw the bad: Watching that grand slam I'd given up in the season opener sail over the fence, kicking the bullpen fence in frustration after losing to Ft. Worth, and the pictures of the intense meltdown I had following my third start in Sioux Falls.

and the ugly: My visions after being placed on the inactive list and looking out of the window on my plane ride home; hating baseball so much that I thought I would never return to the game.


The final thoughts were really the ones that did it the most for me. The ones that brought a beaming smile to my face. After being able to overcome what I have and fight through the adversity that I have faced only to return again, is enough for me. Baseball brings out that feeling and I'm starting to get those little feelings again. Those oh-so thankful, you better not try and take it away from me feelings again.

I'm one blessed kid - thats for sure.

Goodbye 2010 season. Thank you for the memories.

God Bless.

August 13th Magic

In the world we live in today, there are so many days throughout the calendar year where one can sit down and reminisce about what happened on which particular day. These days often feature a tragic event that has happened, a historic battle that occurred, or the birthday of someone famous. These days, which are often translated into national holidays, can be remembered for the exact date they occurred on years before.

I think the same can go for events that happened in your personal life. There are a few memorable instances that have been seen in my past and I will never forget the dates on which they occurred. This takes me to the reason for this post.

August 13th.

I go back ten years ago on a hot, humid day on August 13th, 2000. I'm 13 years old and only three months away from my next birthday. I had recently wrapped up my baseball from the summer and was gearing up for another football season with Berlin Pop Warner Football.

Being the active kid that I am, I was running around the neighborhood that day with a few of the local kids. Our neighborhood games consisted of all types of activities: backyard baseball, video games, capture the flag, etc. This day consisted of tennis and a few of us were going to play down the street.

I had been running in and out of the house all day and my dad was really getting annoyed with it. I kept leaving the door open and with the cost of air conditioning, my dad had to keep going to shut the door. On the last time I ran out of the house, I took what I needed and headed down the street. I then realized I had forgotten the balls and headed back in. My head was down and I charged back into the house. I looked up...only to see a four pane glass window directly in my way.

My hand reached to stop the door.

What happened next was a pool of blood, screams of terror, and shattered glass everywhere. My arm had been lacerated by the glass and my right forearm had been torn open nearly to the bone.

My parents remained calm as best as they could and made the call with 911 to have an ambulance sent to the house. A short time later, the ambulance arrived and took me to Atlantic General Hospital to be evaluated. I was told that the cut was severely deep and that they could not handle me there. They then sent me to Peninsula Regional Medical Center, where I was looked at and seen by Dr. Vincent Perotta. They saw that my cut was millimeters away from the central artery and by the grace of God, I had missed many other vital areas. I had still severed several tendons. I would immediately go into surgery and after 50 stitches to my forearm, the healing process would begin.

I never realized until later how lucky I was. I had nearly lost my right arm and although I faced a few months of rehabilitation, I fully recovered.

Fast forward to the present and it's exactly ten years later. I find myself in the sixth inning of a 4-4 tie featuring El Paso against Pensacola at Cohen Stadium. The bases are loaded with no outs and I'm called out of the bullpen and into the contest. The first batter grounds out innocently to our shortstop before the following hitter swings into a 6-4-3 double play to end the inning. The crowd, which was nearly 7,000 strong, erupted in excitement.

I would go on to throw two more innings of shutout baseball and our 13-game losing streak would finally come to an end. It was the first win since I was injured on July 2, 2009.

My first win of the year on the day where I almost lost my arm 10 years earlier. My how God works in strange way.....

God Bless.

Free Falling in West Texas

We've been going through a pretty rough stretch out here in El Paso lately. The recent losses cannot be attributed to one particular aspect of the team but rather, the entire team itself. I noted in an earlier post that we were losing games because we couldn't put everything together when it mattered the most.

Well, now, we can't seem to put anything together.

The team is out of playoff contention but we still have things to play for. We are now playing for the love of the game. Regardless of the circumstance, I have never laid down to my competition. I've never given up in any aspect of the game and even though we are double-digit games back with less than three weeks left, there is still something to play for.

Pride.

Pride for yourself, your team, your city, your baseball career, your fans, etc.

If you look at the box score from last night's game against Grand Prairie, you would assume the El Paso Diablos have given up on the 2010 summer. It was one of the roughest games I have ever been apart of as a player or a fan. The drubbing was harsh to say the least.

This particular loss brings me back to a memory I have of the 2008 season. In my first game with El Paso, we took one off the chin in the season opener. The margin of victory of our opposition was much more and the crowd gave it to us a little worse than what was heard last night. There is some irony to this beat down as the following night we responded with a punch of our own...in the form of an 11 run victory over Shreveport.

I'm sensing a big game tonight for El Paso. To be honest, maybe a brutal loss like that was just what we needed for us to open up our eyes and our hearts.

God Bless.

NYSL Hall of Fame Inductee

I'm pleased to announce that I have recently been honored as a member of the inaugural Hall of Fame Class of the New York State League. This is my second award with the league as last summer I was honored with the 2009 NYSL Courage Award.

The NY State League was where I began my professional career. After I went undrafted following my senior year of college, I went to three different professional tryouts and was cut from each one. The NYSL then offered a tryout in Utica, NY and I was one of the first players to be signed from that particular tryout. I remember signing that contract and feeling like I was on top of the world. My dream of playing professional baseball had now become a reality.

The league was a jumpstart for getting into the Can-Am League with the New Haven Cutters and then with El Paso in the American Association. I'll never forget my days in that league and how I was given the opportunity to bridge my career from college to the professional ranks. I will be forever grateful of league commissioner, Jay Acton, for giving me that chance.

You can view the release here.

God Bless.

Superstitions in Baseball

As much as I don't like to admit it, I fall under the category of being a "superstitious" player. Baseball is a game of skill and chance but I don't think extraneous measures always need to be performed to change your luck. That being said, I'm a firm believer that some people are destined for different kinds of success and that one can create their own luck.

Here is a small list of my superstitions with baseball.

1. I never spit during the National Anthem. In college, I had a coach preach respect during the national anthem and that was one of his pep peeves. If I'm chewing gum or eating sunflower seeds, I'll hold them until the Anthem is over.

2. I like to talk to my dad before starts. It's something I've always done and although its just a good luck conversation or "try this"..I've been successful talking with him pre-game. It's a little different out of the bullpen because I don't know which game I will throw in.

3. If our team is scoring runs and I'm in the dugout, I won't change where I am at until we get an out. Silly superstition of having to remain in the same spot but it is seen all across the board.

4. I used to walk a complete circle around the mound before I started an inning and would them look up to the sky and say a prayer. I don't really do this as much anymore because my prayers are on a much more private level these days.

5. Depending on how well I am pitching, I try and keep the same cleats. If I'm struggling, the first thing I'll change is my cleats. For example, after I struggled earlier this season...I exchanged my Mizuno low tops for a pair of Nike Clippers.

Closers Role and Winning Streaks

Just two weeks ago, the El Paso Diablos looked like a team thirsty to finish off the season anyway it could. Winning didn't seem to matter anymore and no matter how well one facet of the team was doing, another was costing the team a victory. It seemed that no matter how well we played, we could not muster a victory in the end.

Well, things have changed in the Sun City.

Call it having a good time or just playing the game the right way but the team has really turned things around. The lineup has come alive and a revamped pitching staff has come up big time and time again. At one point last week, we had won four consecutive contests, which marked a season-high for the club. The falters in the late innings that seemed so common just a few weeks ago have not been seen and confidence is brimming from everyone in association with the team.

On a personal note, I was named the closer for the Diablos just before our series in Shreveport last Monday. In the mean time, I have chalked up two saves in two opportunities and have put out the fire in several critical situations. I was originally unsure about this role but have accepted it and am very comfortable being in it. Closing definitely calls for a different mindset, which I love.

My work on the pitchers mound has been so much more productive since I came off of the IL at the beginning of July. I've pitched on six different occasions (all out of the bullpen) and have thrown scoreless outings in five of them. Across the 11 innings I have thrown so far since coming off the IL, only two walks and seven hits have been yielded. I'm documenting these statistics on here only because it finally feels good to post good numbers after the landslide I was on at the beginning of the year. Although I'm a firm believer that numbers don't necessarily speak everything about a pitcher, it does make you smile to look back after putting up good numbers...especially after everything I've been through this past year.

I mentioned in previous posts that baseball does not define me as a person. At one point in my life, I really thought that baseball was my number one priority in every aspect of life. My Christian values, family, and friends always seemed to take a backseat to the game I loved so much. Baseball still is a huge part of my life but because it's not taking over my life like it had previously, I have understood how important it is to have a balanced lifestyle.

I think that my new outlook on baseball (and life in general) is much like the way a lot of my teammates have changed their play as well. The atmosphere around the clubhouse isn't one of pressing anymore but rather a team filled with the energy and confidence it needs to succeed. The pre-game and post-game danceoffs have turned to be pretty comical and has really loosened up the mood.

As previously stated, this new Diablos team is one that is moving in the right direction. El Paso stands eight games back from Pensacola in the standings but with the Pelicans sliding and us one the move...a race to the finish could be seen. Let's hope we can build on tonight's 15-0 thrashing of Grand Prairie.

I'd like to conclude this post with a pair of quotes from the mouth of legendary basketball coach, John Wooden. Wooden, who passed away recently, offered some of the most inspirational words I have ever heard. His legacy, much like Jimmy Valvano, will last forever in my heart.

"Sports do not build character. They reveal it."

"Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."

God Bless.

The Room of Second Chance

We have arrived safely in Shreveport, Louisiana after an eight hour bus ride. The weather is hot, humid, and sunny.

This post may be written from a little different stance than I'm used to writing but I must speak of a certain encounter I had recently. This meeting is something that can hold meaning to anyone of our lives...young or old, hopeless or hopeful. I think everyone can learn a little bit from El Paso's newest rookie, 34-year old Barry Fowler.

Yes, he is my roommate on the road. Yes, he is 34-years old (a full ten years older than me). And yes, he actually is a rookie.

Barry pitched four years at the University of Georgia in his college years and carried a respectable track record throughout his amateur play. He claims that his biggest accomplishment on the baseball field is defeating Mark Prior in a USC-Georgia showdown. This accomplishment is worthy in the eyes of many but I believe his biggest accomplishment has just occurred.

Barry's last pitch in college was thrown in 1999. Upon viewing the time between then and now...little offers about Barry's whereabouts. There is one answer though - he did not journey into the world of professional baseball...until now.

Its 2010 and one can only ask, "What in the world has he been doing the past ten years?!"

A few personal matters kept Barry away from baseball over the ten years but did not stop his love for the game of baseball. This game, although tough and unjust at times, kept him going and he knew somewhere, someday he was going to return.

After a brief experience with a team in the (now defunct) South Coast League, Barry worked out with several teams but was unsuccessful in joining their game-day rosters. He spent spring training in 2010 with the Pensacola Pelicans before joining the Desert Valley Mountain Lions of the CBL. His hard work and determination finally paid off through a short time later as he worked out with the Diablos last week and was signed to his first true professional contract.

In the world we live in today, wanting a second chance at something you love and actually going out and getting it are two big differences. We tend to want things to come our way and instead of going out and grabbing the bull by the horns, expect things to fall into our lap. This has never been my method of going about life and after meeting Barry, this is not his either.

His courageous journey back to baseball after ten years away can hold purpose in every one of our lives. It shows one standing up for their dreams in the face of adversity and proving that age should never really be a factor. Some walk away from what they love at an early age and whether that love is sports, art, or significant others, Barry has proven it's never actually too late to go back.

Cheers to you, Barry.

I really feel that being roommates with Barry in Pensacola was not a mistake. It was the room where two people from two different parts of the world and two different walks of life sharing conversation about two similar points: the love for baseball and a second redemption at it. God made that happen.

Thus, the room of second chance.

God Bless.

Back to the grind: Road trippin' to Pensacola

As I find myself on the third day of this Southeastern roadtrip, I find myself looking back at how much of a metamorphasis I have undergone over the past four weeks.

Baseball is fun again. I've found that love, that passion for the game.

I'm coming to the ballpark with a little kick in my step, a fresh arm and most importantly, a smile. The atmosphere is free and easy...almost like it was when I was that care free 10-year old little league shortstop.



I don't know if falling out of love with baseball is the exact diagnosis of what happened earlier this season because I never felt that I lost my passion for the game. I think, in laymans terms, my biggest problem was putting too much pressure on myself. I was trying so much harder than I needed as I was trying to prove to others that I was fully past this injury. As with all the goods and negatives in life, the past is the past and only so much emphasis should be placed upon it. I will never forget what happened last July but now understand that nothing can ever change what happened that night and its time to take what I've learned and move forward. I understand that many look towards my journey back to baseball as an inspiration but the reason why I came back in the first place was because I couldn't ever imagine myself away from the game. I loved it too much to ever want to leave it.

Somewhere along my journey, I lost my way. With a little fun back in Maryland, a few Phillies games, and a serious sun tan...that path has begun to straigten out.

Special thanks to TC (Tony Cornish) from Essendon Baseball Club, who I had the chance to catch up with in Philadelphia and share a great conversation about life with last week. Cheers to you mate!



I have been relegated to pitching in the bullpen to begin the second half with the Diablos. I think this is a good beginning step for me and I'm pretty excited about the opportunity ahead. In last night's game, I got up to throw in the late innings of a 2-1 game but did not get in. The juices were flowing, intensity was up, and nerves were harnassed.

What a perfect feeling.

I've spoken of a few things that I've learned throughout this process but one of the freshest is to "seize the day" or "carpe diem" if you will (thanks Dad). It's a pretty cliche saying and I often find it being overused but it really stands true when you're trying to achieve a goal.

One day at a time, one pitch at a time. Whether the goal for me is pitching in the big leagues, throwing consistant sink to both sides of the plate, or just happiness in general...living for the moment makes everything much more powerful.



Nobody can really predict what the future has to hold and as much as I'd like to be able to know what I have ahead of me in the next little while, I can't. I can promise you one thing though...win or lose, good outing or bad outing, I'm going to enjoy this game just like I did when I was a kid. The highs are not going to be too high and the lows are not going to be too low.

To conclude this post, I'm going to leave you with a exerpt from an article I wrote for SU Magazine this past spring:

"I reflected on the dreams that I had as young child.
The dream to be a big league baseball player took root
when I was four years old in the backyard of an apartment
complex on Eighth Street in my hometown of Ocean City,
MD. It was the dreams I had as a child that helped propel
me through my days with Berlin Little League and into
Stephen Decatur High School. These dreams helped define
me in my freshman year at Guilford College and through
the trials and tribulations I faced at Virginia Wesleyan
College. It was these very dreams that I hung onto as I was
cut from three different tryouts following college.
As I thought about those days this past August, I
remember smiling and thinking to myself, it’s time to get
back to business. It wasn’t time to give up."

God Bless.